Yesterday Parker and I went to Stone Mountain Park to attend Atlanta Fest. It is a Christian music festival that lasts 3 days but we only went for one band...Tenth Avenue North. If you've read any of my blogs, you've probably read about how much I love them. I quote their songs regularly in my writing, not just here but in my book as well. Their songs are about hurt and surrender, about learning to trust God through tough times. They sing a lot about who God is and how much He loves us. Most of their songs come from God's perspective, which is unusual for worship music but I think that's why I like it so much. I first started listening to them a few months after the miscarriage. I heard a song on the radio called "By Your Side" and fell in love with it immediately. The words are absolute poetry set to music.
"Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace? Why are you crying? Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away. Why are you looking for love? Why are you searching, as if I'm not enough? To where will you go child, tell me where will you run. To where will you run? Because I'll be by your side whenever you fall. In the dead of night, whenever you call. please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you.
Look at these hands at my side. They swallowed the grave on that night. When i drink the world's sin so I can carry you in and give you life. I want to give you life. And I'll be by your side whenever you fall. In the dead of night, whenever you call. please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you.
Cause I love you. I want you to know that I love you, I'll never let you go."
After hearing that song, I immediately bought the CD and fell in love with every single song as God spoke to me through their words. Often times, I'll find myself humming the tune of one or singing the words in my head only to realize that God is very clearly telling me to listen to what I'm singing! Whether its telling me to "let it go," surrender or that He's going to "break me down." As much as I've listened to the songs, they are not hugely mainstream yet. Their songs are on Christian radio but we don't sing them in church or anything. Yesterday at their concert was the first time I've heard them in a huge group of people. it was the first time hearing other people sing the words along with me. It was very surreal at first because their songs are so personal to me. I couldn't quite get comfortable with all those strangers singing "my songs." It felt like the last year of my life was being broadcast over the loud speaker for all to hear. Then I looked around and saw in the eyes of everyone around me that the songs hadn't just touched me. They had touched a lot of people.
At one point, the lead singer Mike told us to sing with our hands lifted to the sky. He talked about why we raise our hands to worship and how awkward it can feel. But he told us, we don't do it to look "super spiritual." Standing with arms raised to heaven is not what we do when we want to appear to be something we're not...its what we do when we're broken and have nowhere else to turn. Its what a child does when he wants his father to pick him up. I, of course, thought about all we've been through over the past 2 years and how many times I've had to reach up to God to be lifted up. What's amazing is that He was always there to lift me no matter how far down I was. Amazing. Needless to say, they did not disappoint and God's presence was felt strongly yesterday at Stone Mountain Park.
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