Tonight I was watching my new favorite show, The Next Food Network Star. Between getting into this show and being written up in the local paper (big news for me, don't make fun!), I have really begun to realize my passion for cooking and desire to be a chef one day. As I was watching my show tonight, it seemed like every other commercial was highlighting happy families with perfect children. My two biggest unrealized dreams (as of today) staring me in the face. I began to wonder if I'll ever achieve either of them. And then even if I achieve one, what are the chances that one person gets to realize TWO dreams in one lifetime? For so long I denied how bad I really wanted to become a professional chef. I told myself that being a chef was not conducive to motherhood and since I wanted motherhood so badly, I should obviously put the other dream on the back burner or take it off the stove all together, so to speak. But now that the motherhood dream is becoming more difficult and seemingly farfetched everyday, I wonder sometimes if I'm not missing my calling. I feel sort of like a high school kid that just aced an accounting test wanting to be CEO of Delta one day...how do I get from where I am to where I want to be?? How do I get from avid home cook to professional chef? I wonder what it would be like to one day have a food professional refer to me as "Chef," the ultimate title of respect in the culinary world.
On the same token, I wonder what it will be like to one day have a little person call me "Mom." I used to think every month about getting a positive pregnancy test, sharing the news with friends and family, and 9 months later welcoming a perfect little bundle of joy into the world. 25 months later, its hard to keep up that same level of optimism and enthusiasm. 25 separate but distinct disappointments spanning over half of my marriage.
When you're a child, everyone always tells you to aim high and shoot for the stars. Is it possible that it becomes so ingrained in our heads that we aim too high? Is it even possible to aim "too high?" What do you do when you realize your dreams are so far beyond where you are today? Or if they're right and we really can achieve anything we set our minds to, where do we start? We gaze up at them longingly but how do we reach for the stars when gravity pulls so hard to keep us rooted right where we are?
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