The other day, I had lunch with a good friend of mine who had a similar journey through infertility. I've known Dawn since I started my first real job out of college in January 2005. She is a wonderful Christian woman and I've often looked up to her as a spiritual mentor in my life. We hadn't really talked in almost a year before our lunch together last week. The last time we talked, Parker and I had started to discuss infertility treatments and I really wanted to get some perspective from a few different people. She hadn't started trying to get pregnant until she was in her late 30s so it took her and her husband 3 and a half years to conceive. When she tells her story, she talks about how her doctor told her that if she wanted to have children, she would probably have to have some sort of fertility treatment. For her, she felt like treating the problem was "rushing God's hand" to her desired outcome. Eventually, they were able to conceive and deliver a healthy child without any treatments and as she should, she gives 100% of the glory to God. I've always really appreciated her story and really took her perspective to heart. When we spoke over a year ago, I also discussed the same thing with two other great Christian women in my life. Both of them struggled with infertility as well, both of them sought some level of medical intervention after a long journey and both of them now have healthy children. I remember at the time forming the opinion that there was nothing wrong with infertility treatment in general, it just wasn't for me at the time. I knew that my opinion was subject to change but I decided to continue to wait without medical intervention.
As the months passed, my opinion slowly began to change. I really don't believe that it was simply time that changed it, though I'm sure that was a factor. I continued to pray like I had been for months that God would let me know when and if we should seek treatment. It was a long and prayerful process that finally led Parker and I to try Clomid. It was funny because I was SO anti-Clomid for so long. Then one day, I just woke up ready to move forward. We had been praying over Proverbs 21:30 for months and that one day it just spoke to me so differently. The verse says "There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord." I had prayed it so many times but one day, I just really felt like the meaning changed and for the first time, I had an incredible peace about moving forward with Clomid. We did 2 rounds and the endometriosis surgery, which brings us to today. As you can see, we're still very slowly and prayerfully wading in the water of infertility treatment. Every step of the way, I have felt peace (which we pray for daily) and have seen signs of God's approval.
Knowing all of this and being convinced in my heart still did nothing to convince my friend that I wasn't forcing God's hand. And even though I anticipated this reaction from her, it still upset me. It even made me question the decisions I'd made, even just for a brief second. I have been forming my opinion on infertility treatment since before I knew it was an opinion I would need to have. I'm ashamed to admit that I had a sort of "high and mighty" viewpoint on it before I experienced infertility myself. I thought, like Dawn, that it was just our way of forcing God's hand into doing something He didn't want to do. That was before conducting 2 years of research on causes of infertility, ways that it is treated and the prevalence of the problem. I had formed an opinion on the solution before I had even recognized infertility as a real problem. However, I don't think I was alone in that! It seems like every Christian, whether they've been trying to conceive for years or they have a whole baseball team of children has a pretty strong opinion of it.
What I want to know is as Christians, do we really believe that we can force God's hand?? Can we make the Creator of the universe do something He doesn't want to do? The Bible calls Him the giver of life. We don't create life, He does. As mentioned before, proverbs says there isn't anything we can do, no matter how hard we try, to mess up His plan for our lives. The Message version of the Bible says "Nothing clever, nothing conceived, nothing contrived, can get the better of God." Proverbs 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." People argue against this theory by saying that God is stronger than infertility so treatment isn't necessary. I DO believe that, please don't misread what I'm saying here. But is God not stronger than Clomid, IUI or IVF? Can those man-made treatments get the better of His plan? I believe that God is stronger than cancer. Does that mean that should I find a malignant tumor, I should reject chemo-therapy? Didn't God give us the doctors and technology to solve this issues caused by living in a fallen world?
As many arguments can be made against infertility treatments as there are for them. There are many good arguments out there too, not just empty claims that we're forcing God's hand. Should we try with all of our intelligence and medical advancements to play God? Just because the technology is there, that doesn't mean that God approves. I highly doubt He blesses the technological advancements that have been made in the field of abortions. I heard a story today about a woman in her 40s that wanted to have children and decided to pursue IVF. They implanted 12 (yes, TWELVE) fertilized eggs and (big surprise), six of them took. Well she didn't want 6 children so she had the doctor pluck 4 fertilized eggs right from her womb, selectively aborting 4 lives. When I heard that, I felt sick.
So where do we draw the line?? Two of my favorite people in the world were conceived to loving Christian parents through IVF. And just like my friend Dawn, they give 100% of the glory to God. If someone walked up to me tomorrow and offered a free round of IVF, I'd sure as heck take it! I think the point is that there is no general right and wrong for everyone. I truly feel like for a number of reasons I don't have time to get into right now (insurance, jobs, finances, health, etc for those who've been reading since the beginning), infertility treatments were very wrong for me for the first 2 years. God had a lot to teach me and I can be a pretty slow learner when it comes to stuff like this. But slowly and prayerfully, Parker and I have felt a great peace about taking the first step. We still hope we don't ever have to use IUI or IVF but we might. And when God gives us the green light, we'll be ready to go.
If you hear nothing else, please hear this. God cares for relationship with us. Just as we are saved by our relationship with Christ and not through works, that's how He calls us to love Him. Focus on your own personal relationship with God and He (and only He) will let you know when and how His plan for your life will unfold. Praise God for that.
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