New Beginning

I remember when I was first referred to Proverbs 31. It was a year or two after graduating college and one of my clients was a former preacher. He had a son close to my age and was describing him to me one day. He said that his son was looking for a "P31 model" for his wife. I asked him what a "P31 model" was and he referred me to Proverbs 31, "The Wife of Noble Character." Ever since the first time I read it, I decided that if I wanted to find a good man, I needed to become a "P31 model."

Over the years, I have read it countless times, always admiring that woman that it describes. Today is January 3, 2010 and after the long holiday vacation, it feels like the new year really starts tomorrow, Monday January 4. Its nice having a few days after the actual new year to reflect on what happened last year and what you would like to have happen in the upcoming year.

The year 2009 was by far the most emotionally trying year of my life. After 8 months of infertility, Parker and I discovered that we were 4 weeks pregnant on Saturday, January 24. Exactly five weeks later, on Saturday, February 28, we discovered that I was actively miscarrying our first child. The rest of 2009 was a journey through the emotions of pain, loss and sadness. The doctors did not know why we had lost the baby, nor could they discover why we have not been able to conceive since then. It took a long time to really appreciate the significance of that time in our lives. Parker and I grew closer together as we grieved and pushed through. I grew incredibly close with my heavenly Father as I realized I could not make it through this time by myself. A month after the miscarriage, I was laid off at work due to the downturn in the economy. Talk about feeling kicked while you're down! In the end though, I got an amazing job with the church that I love. The phrase "blessing in disguise" doesn't even begin to describe those turn of events.

However, the year 2009 was not a total loss for us. Like I said, our marriage grew stronger, as did our relationships individually and as a couple with God. After 2 and a half years of watching Parker's brother and his wife struggle with infertility, we all welcomed the birth of our first niece and nephew Gracie and Bailey! Having twin newborns, they need all the help that they can get so us not being busy ourselves with a newborn has helped free up time to spend with them. We also got to do some traveling this year, which we always love! We went to Washington D.C. and Virginia in April; Cabo San Lucas in May; the beach house in Gulf Shores in August and October; and skiing in the Poconos in December.

Though it had its moments of joy and celebration, we counted down the days for 2009 to end and 2010 to begin. We made our resolutions with high hopes and expectations. A new year, a new beginning. Isn't it funny how the new year is just the turn of the calendar page yet it can make us feel so fresh and hopeful? Our pastor challenged us today to think of the new year not in terms of what we want to DO but more in terms of who we want to BE. He talked about how as a young man, he had made a list of things he wanted to become in his life and to this day, he uses them to navigate through life. I have known for a few years that I wanted to be a Proverbs 31 wife and mother but I never thought about specific adjectives to describe what that looks like. So I came home, opened up the Bible, and sifted through my favorite chapter. My pastor had 8 words that he described as making an octagon around his life and his decision-making. As it turns out, when I sifted through P31, I found 8 words as well. These are not New Year's resolutions that are forgotten about 90% of the time before the summer even arrives. They are not ideals for me. These are the things that I want people to use when they describe me, today and long after I have returned home to live with my Father.

Here is what a P31 model is in summary and here is what I want to be when I grow up:
Trustworthy
Loving
Respectful
Hospitable
Generous
Joyful
Diligent
Prepared

Father God, thank you for 2009. Thank you for making me strong through suffering. Thank you for drawing me near to you when I needed you the most. I so look forward to seeing your plan unfold for my life in 2010. I pray for your continued grace, mercy and guidance in Jesus Christ's name. Amen.