How Do You Feel About That?

It is always interesting when you are going through infertility and reach a point in a relationship with someone that you feel you can open up and share that with them. Most times, it is after you have made some sort of bond, become friends, and are at the point where you're sharing intimate details of your life. It is typically not something that comes up in casual conversation or something you mention in passing. If someone does ask why you don't have any children or when you're going to start trying, instinct is to dismiss the topic, sweep it under the rug, and move on. However, sometimes it comes up a little earlier than necessary in a way that's hard to avoid.

Today I met with a personal trainer to discuss my exercise routine (or really lack thereof). She is the kind of trainer that is interested in encouraging full health of mind, body and soul, not just "Get down and give me 20!" As we talked, she was asking me about my diet and what sort of vitamins I take and all that good stuff. I mentioned that I was on pre-natal vitamins and she gave me a look like, "You don't look pregnant...but I don't want to ask..." So I went ahead and told her that we had been trying for almost 2 years. She wrinkled her forehead, looked as though she was deep in thought, and said, "Interesting. How do you feel about that?"

How do I feel about that? It is interesting, that's for sure. How do you sum up infertility and miscarriage into a nice little package to help someone understand? How do you explain the spectrum of emotions to someone you barely know? I guess that's why we typically tell people, "We're still young" or "We're having fun just the two of us" when they ask why we don't have children yet. Its not a light topic or something you can briefly mention and move on to something else.

Most of the time, its not even for my sake that I avoid the topic. Most of the time, its for the sake of the other party that I skirt around the truth and change the subject. People don't know what to say and why should they? If you've never gone through this, how would you know the right words to comfort or show just the right amount of interest? I've had people say some of the most ridiculous things because they don't know what else to say. A good friend of mine once said, "So are you still trying a lot?" I.e. are you still having a lot of sex?? AWKWARD! People have inquired on more than one occasion about the strength of my husband's swimmers. The trainer today asked if we were trying the "traditional way." What, like missionary position or without medical intervention??

So the question still remains, how do I feel about that? Well, today I'm just fine, thanks for asking.