Strength in Weakness

The night before last, Friday, I finally broke down about the events of Tuesday night.  Parker and I were trying to get her to sleep but she was having a really hard time going down.  She was screaming and crying, completely inconsolable.  I felt so helpless.  When she gets worked up like that, it makes her head hurt from the fracture, which in turn makes her cry even harder and she just continues to spiral.  Parker asked if I thought something was wrong.  Satan immediately led to me to all the things that could be wrong.  The fracture has gotten worse.  The bleeding has started again.  There's something else injured that they didn't catch.  She's getting a fever...doesn't she feel warm??  I rocked her, nursed her, held her and did everything I know to try to console her and nothing helped.  Eventually the Tylenol kicked in and she went to sleep.  After she went to sleep, I let out a small sigh of relief.  I started to think about the events of Tuesday, replaying every heart-wrenching moment in my head.  I thought about how scared I had been but how I hid it as best I could for Parker's sake.  I thought about how I had been afraid she was going to die.  At first I started to try to hold back the tears but Parker saw.  He asked what was wrong and the floodgates opened.  I told him how scared I had been and still was.  I told him how emotionally exhausted I was from the week.  He hugged me and I just cried into his chest.

I told him that I was just tired of being hurt and afraid.  The miscarriage had hurt me so much.  Waiting for years for Mary Elizabeth had hurt so much.  My pregnancy brought so much joy but also fear.  And now, there is so much more to be afraid of.  I remember thinking that I just wanted her out of my belly, where I could take care of her better.  I felt like I'd be better able to protect her out here.  Tuesday night shattered that false belief.  We're only 4 months into this journey of parenthood.  We still want many more children.  I was afraid that this was only the beginning of the hurt and fear.  I told him that I love her so much it scares me.

Parker reassured me that these were all lies that I was believing.  He quoted scripture and hugged me and helped me feel better.  He let me cry but then let me know I didn't need to cry.  We are in the clear.  She is doing fine and will make a full recovery.  After I regained my composure, I realized what had happened.  Subconsciously, I had waited until I knew Parker was okay.  Then it was my turn.  That's one of my favorite things about marriage.  When you're weak, God tends to make your spouse strong.  And if you happen to both be weak at the same time, God's Word tells us that His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

As most people have pointed out and is apparently very true, Mary Elizabeth is healing much nicer than her mom and dad.  We're both still very worried about her but trusting that God has His healing hand on her.  We're careful about who gets to hold her and we treat her like she's made of glass, taking care not to hurt her head any further while it heals.  Parker has a huge bruise on his rear end from the fall but his heart is healing very well.  Despite mom and dad's paranoia, she seems to be doing fine.  Her eye is open all the way now.  It has a little blue and yellow on the lid but it just looks like she got into mom's make-up.  She plays and talks and smiles like always and hasn't had too much trouble sleeping.

Here are some pictures from yesterday.  You can see she looks like her normal, adorable self.  Thank you for continued prayers.