Negative

This morning I took a pregnancy test.  No, we're not trying to get pregnant again already!  I've just been tired and hormonal lately and wanted to be sure.  I had cleaned out my bathroom the other day and found FOUR unopened pregnancy tests in there from back in our days of infertility.  I guess I had been stocking up.  I was fairly confident it would be negative but just wanted to check.  So yes, it was negative.  And it was a very strange sensation.  Of course, I am not ready for another baby.  Mary Elizabeth is only three and a half months old!  I'm just now starting to feel normal again and am glad to have my body back.  So I was very relieved that it was negative.  If it had been positive, of course I would have been very happy...and probably a little overwhelmed at first.  But after all we went through, we certainly are not going to ever be disappointed by God blessing us with more children.  The weird sensation was sort of a forced feeling of relief.  I am truly so accustomed to having negative pregnancy tests and being so devastated by them.  Even though I didn't REALLY want it to be positive, it did sort of bring back a lot of those emotions.  I had to remind myself that its a relief that it was negative, that there is a reason I'm on birth control.  I guess old habits die hard.  Here's hoping that the remaining 3 tests will come back positive...in God's perfect timing.