Better Days

Today was a much better day than yesterday.  I think a full night's sleep for all of us really made a difference.  By the time I went to bed last night, I was tired almost to the point of delirium.  It made it a little hard to sleep.  Not to mention the fact that after all the stress of the night of the accident, then running around yesterday and trying to take care of her here at home, bedtime was the first time I actually decompressed.  I think it really hit me how close we had been to tragedy.  The more I thought about how much worse it could have been, the more convinced I became that God had performed a miracle in her.  I believe His hand was there in the fall protecting her from much worse and I also believe He healed her.  The first night, we were told that there was bleeding on her brain.  The next morning, they looked back at the CT scan and said it was only wisps of blood.  I will praise God and thank Him for her every day for the rest of her life.

This morning, I was pleased to wake up and realize that she had slept the night through without needing more Tylenol.  Normally I would've panicked and ran straight to her room to make sure she was still breathing.  However, my panic yesterday paid off.  I had gone out yesterday afternoon and purchased a video monitor and peeked at her all throughout the night.  It helped me sleep so much more peacefully knowing that she was ok.  (As a side note, I had really gone back and forth on whether or not a video monitor was a necessary expense.  We're trying to live on a tighter budget by cutting out unnecessary expenses so we can pay of debt/save more/etc.  When I get home from Wal-Mart and told Parker I had spent $90 on the monitor, he asked if I really felt it was necessary.  As I was justifying my purchase, I opened the mail and found an unexpected renewal commission check for $99.  God provides.  Praise the Lord.)

The rest of today was very much a normal day for us.  She ate well, played, snuggled and napped (a little). I found myself not wanting to put her down and when I left her with my mom to run a few errands, I walked int he door and almost cried when I saw her.  I was gone less than 2 hours and I missed her so much. As the day progressed, she was able to open her eye more and more until she was at about 80% open by bedtime.  She was joyful and talkative all day.  They really are resilient.

At one point, she was crying and I told my mom how wonderful it can be sometimes to hear your child cry.  On the way to the hospital Tuesday night, she had been crying since the fall.  Right as we were pulling off the exit, she stopped.  I was alone in the car and because it was dark, I couldn't see her reflection in her mirror.  The silence was deafening and as I called out her name, begging her to cry again so that I knew she was ok, I remembered doing the same thing when she was born.  "Please cry baby.  Please let mama know you're ok."  Sometimes the cry is the best reassurance that they're ok.

Parker's heart is also healing.  I asked him tonight how he's doing and he said that every day we get further away from it, he feels a little better.  He even ventured down the stairs today with her, more slowly and cautiously than I've ever seen anyone walk down stairs.  He said he had to face his fear head on or he would never be able to walk down stairs with the baby again.  I was so proud of him.  All day, not once did he shy away from holding her, changing her, rocking her, all the things he normally does.  I was so afraid he would be too timid to hold her again but I think our friends and family covering him in prayer has really replaced his guilt with renewed confidence. 

I am still scared but am giving it over to Jesus every day, numerous times a day.  I'm afraid something will happen before she's fully healed that will make it worse.  I'm afraid there will be some sort of permanent damage.  I'm afraid it will somehow still get worse or the bleeding will start again and she'll have to have surgery.  I have to keep reminding myself to trust the Lord.  Trust that even if something terrible happens, He'll be there for us.  I have to trust that whatever happens is a part of His divine will.

Here is a picture from today.  It was taken with my mom's phone so the quality is not that great.  But she is smiling and her eye is open more so I think it's a great picture.  Don't be fooled into thinking the "swollen" cheeks are from the accident...she's just a really good eater.  :-)



Please continue to pray for all of us.  It shakes you to the core when you come so close to true tragedy.  But I have truly been overwhelmed by the amount of prayer, love and support we have received from friends and family across the world.  Never before has Facebook been such a blessing.  We literally had people praying for her as soon as I posted something.  It is such a blessing to feel so loved and covered in prayer.  I wish I could hug each and every person around the neck and say thank you, thank you, thank you.