Thursday I hit the 14 week mark. I can't believe I've been pregnant for 3 and half months! Still seems like forever until we get to meet our little miracle, though I know it will fly by. This week I've had some new and interesting symptoms of pregnancy. Dizziness and horrible back pain. The dizziness thing is just kind of weird. I read that its normal but it seems like you don't hear about that one very often. As for the backache, wow. Some days its ok and other days, I can't seem to find a position where it feels okay. This morning I met with a woman I'm mentoring through her journey with infertility. It was probably kind of obvious that I was moving slowly and in quite a bit of pain so when she asked how I was, I told her that my back was killing me. I told her, as I always seem to premise these types of statements, "I'm not complaining, but..." She was so sweet to say, "I know pregnancy isn't all that great all the time from what my friends say so don't feel bad about complaining." My friend Kelly had told me the same thing. When she was pregnant, she had a really rough time and told me that whenever I got pregnant, I was welcome to complain to her.
It had me thinking about how as women, we're sort of expected to be heros and "tough it out" throughout pregnancy, even though it is an amazing amount of change in a relatively short amount of time. As I've mentioned before, I really have no complaints, even when I'm feeling like a tractor trailer just ran me over, threw it in reverse, and backed up just to make sure I was good and roughed up. I am so beyond ecstatic to be at this point and in this place that I'll take the physical and emotional abuse my own body is dishing out with a smile. However, I feel like women should be able to voice without restraint what they're going through and how they're feeling. Pregnancy is the most amazing change our bodies ever go through and some of it just flat out stinks. I think that especially women who go through infertility feel like they can never ever complain about anything, for fear that someone in ear shot will think they're being unappreciative of the miracle they've prayed for for so long.
I talk to a lot of women who have gone through or are currently going through infertility and one thing that I try to tell people all the time is that a positive pregnancy test is not the end of the journey. Then comes the worry, the anxiety, the realization that being pregnant and having a baby is not always like a Similac commercial with sweet, happy, sleeping babies and well-rested mothers. Pregnancy and motherhood is not for the faint of heart.
I guess my point is that yes, I am ecstatic beyond belief that my dream of becoming a mother is coming true after 2 and half long years. However, my back hurts. So does a lot of my body. I'm more tired than I've ever been in my entire life and if I have to smell Old Spice cologne or the inside of a seafood restaurant again in the next 6 months, I might throw up. I welcome all of it with open arms but I'm not ashamed to say that some days, pregnancy feels more like Saturday morning Boot Camp than a Hallmark card.
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