Happiness

Last February 28, my heart was so severely and suddenly broken w the loss of my first pregnancy. It took months to even begin to heal and even today I still think there will always be a little part of me that aches with that loss. A year ago today, October 2, was the due date of our first sweet little blessing. Its crazy to think that we would have a one year old right now. I remember last year, I dreaded the date. A few months prior, I felt like as long as I was pregnant again when the day rolled around, it would be fine. I expected bittersweet feelings but knew that being pregnant again would help ease the pain. Time had begin to heal my heart, as it often does. However, as the months went by and the date crept closer, I realized that there was a chance I wouldn't be pregnant again and I would have to take the blow full force. I remember the week leading up to it feeling as if the wound that had started to heal had been ripped right open again. I just kept thinking about all the things I would have been doing that week, like packing a bag for the hospital, gazing with excitement at a completed nursery and finally meeting my baby. I cried everyday that week. The day itself was actually not as bad as the week leading up to it. I think sometimes anticipation can be one of the strongest emotions. A year ago today, my 4 best girlfriends came over for a dinner party and just surrounded me with love.

Yesterday and today, I've been thinking back on that time. It really is amazing what a difference a year makes. Instead of being heartbroken this year, I remembered fondly the few weeks I had with my first baby. I also looked around at how vastly different my circumstances are this year. I can't believe how amazingly blessed I am. Not only that, I'm overwhelmingly happy, which is something I wondered if I would ever feel again. The amount of joy I have for my unborn child and for my husband is something I know can only come direct from a loving God, a God who showers His children with amazing, undeserved blessings.