Last Month

Tomorrow I'm 36 weeks pregnant. To say I never thought I'd get to this point is an understatement. Lately, I've been taking some time to re-read the book that I wrote on finding hope through infertility. Really, I'm editing it but you can't edit a book without reading it. I finished the book a year and a half ago after pouring my heart into it for about 6 months. I can't believe its been that long since I finished writing it. As I read it, I'm taken right back to where I was then, all the heartache and pain. But amidst it all was hope. Hope that God would redeem my story and bring me to exactly the place I am right now. I have a nursery in my home, a huge pregnant belly and within a few short weeks, I'll beholding my daughter in my arms. God is so good. And faithful. He only gave me exactly what I could handle, though I remember at the time thinking it was too much. It is that thought that now gets me through this time, this restless, anxious, excited time of waiting. My due date is only 29 days away...4 weeks...one month. Sometimes it still seems so far but if I think about how quickly the last month flew by, and really every month, I know it will be here before I know it. The funny thing is, I thought that at this point I would be terrified. I've never thought much of my tolerance for pain so I figured when I was only a few short weeks away from what could potentially be the most painful experience of my life, I would naturally be freaking out. But I'm surprisingly calm. Even more than that, I'm excited for the experience of labor and delivery. I think its because I know that no matter how bad it gets, it will all be worth it when she's here.

This weekend was my first real thought about the fact that it could actually happen any day now. I overdid it Saturday, as I always do, and when I finally sat down to rest I started having horrible pain that seemed like it couldn't be anything other than contractions. The first one lasted about a minute and within 10 minutes another one just like came and went. I sat, rested and drank some water and eventually they stopped. Then Sunday night, it happened again. I'm pretty sure she's "dropped" sometime in the last few days because in addition to the possible contractions, I have a lot of dull, aching pain that seems to come and go without any sort of consistency. It seems like I could be at the beginning of the end...hopefully! At 36 weeks, I have times of feeling great and times of feeling like a giant, awkward, beached whale. But that's just how it goes I guess. It doesn't help that this is the busiest week of work for me out of the whole year. Despite that, I find it hard to think about anything but this sweet little girl growing inside me. Just about every movement these days is pretty painful as she gets bigger and more cramped. However, I can't make myself wish she would stop moving...ever. Her moving and kicking is the only way that I know that she's real and well. I walk into the nursery everyday and think about how much better it will be once its inhabited by Mary Elizabeth. I love saying her name...and do quite often! I practically obsessed over her little hospital bag, wanting to make sure I have everything she'll need. I've changed my mind on her "coming home" outfit about 10 times. I think I've settled on the cutest, comfy pajamas she owns. If she's anything like her mom and dad, she'll prefer the comfy clothes, or "softies" as we call them. Speaking of being like her mom and dad, lately she's been kicking me in the side so strongly that I can see her little foot. As soon as I touch it, she pulls it away! She must have her daddy's ticklish feet. :-) We're not the only ones getting excited for her arrival. Hershey has been super protective and always overly excited to see me. I think he knows what's happening and he seems to be happy about it!

I'm trying in these last few weeks to really cherish every moment of feeling her so close to me. As I watch my friends' kids and my niece and nephew grow like crazy, I know how much time will fly once she's here. I talk to older ladies at church all the time that have kids in high school and college. Even still, they remember pregnancy like it were yesterday and love to reminisce about all the little kicks and movements. They tell me to enjoy it because it goes by too fast. Even though I'm getting pretty uncomfortable and a little impatient, I can't stand the thought of my little girl being all grown up. I know it sounds ridiculous but these are things I think about. Her graduating high school, going to college, getting married...and I'm not ready for any of that! I want to keep her close to me for as long as possible! Just four more weeks...then time can slow down.