Refining Moments

I've often said that there is no greater refining tool than parenthood. (More specifically motherhood but that's only because I don't know what it likes to be a dad.) Being a mother has taught me more about how my Heavenly Father loves me than anything else has in my life. As I write this, my son is lying in his crib screaming. He's very tired but the toys, they call to him, so of course he doesn't want to nap. He wants to get out and run around like a wild man, throwing cars off the slide and other feats of toddler awesomeness. But alas, it's naptime. Even though we have naptime every day, there's always a fight with at least one of my kids. I get it, they want to play. But they don't have the perspective I do or the long-term vision. Sure I could let them stay up and play and for a while, they would happy. Very happy. But I know how this story ends. Even if you're not a parent, you probably do too. Right before dinner, they will hit a wall and all of a sudden happy playtime is over. Now all hell has broken loose. I know this but they don't. And even though I explain it everyday, they can't comprehend because they're just not that smart. (I mean, for toddlers they're smart but come on, they're toddlers.) So here I sit, letting him scream and cry my name because I know it's what is better for him in the long run. Am I a bad mommy?

Today a friend of mine told me about taking her 2 month old to the doctor to get a shot. My heart goes out to her because as a mother, shots are the worst. Especially as they get older and start to comprehend what is about to happen. They look up at you with these big, sad eyes filled with disappointment over your betrayal. How could you mommy? You brought me here knowing how much this would hurt. It's breaks my heart to pieces. Yet I keep bringing them. Am I a bad mommy?

My daughter is a monkey. She spends half of her life upside down. She loves hanging on things, jumping, climbing, and all generalized craziness. There are times when I will say to her "Don't do that, you're going to get hurt." Most often, she continues and many times she does get hurt. Every time I reiterate "Baby I need you to listen and obey mommy. I say these things to protect, not to keep good things from you." Am I a bad mommy?

One more thing. My kids all of a sudden don't like to eat. Dinner is a battle of wits every single night. Partly it's just their vain attempt to control something, partly defiance, and partly just asserting their opinion and independence. It makes me freaking crazy. They would live off of peanut butter sandwiches and jelly beans if I let them. But I force them to eat all these healthy vegetables (oh the humanity!) and limit their intake of garbage even though it's not a pleasant task for either of us. Am I a bad mommy?

I hope that you thought in all four scenarios "No you're not a bad mommy at all!" You know, like I do, that sometimes we have to "suffer" through some seemingly unfair circumstances in order to gain future benefit. You know that these choices I make are for the benefit of my children. You know that I do it because I love them. You know that I place limitations and "rules" in their lives to protect them. Have you ever thought about the way God parents us just like this?

Has God ever allowed you to endure heartache and pain because He knew it would be better for you down the road? 

Has God ever kept something from you that you thought was good for you (like my kids' jelly beans)? And maybe even given you something better in return? 

Have you ever felt like God said "please don't do this my child" and then watched with a brokenheart as you made the wrong choice and suffered the consequences?

When I listen to my son cry over a shot or unwanted nap, it still hurts my heart. But because I know what is best for him, I summon up every ounce of self-control I have not to run in and take him into my arms, "rescuing" him from his circumstances. Can you imagine the self-control our perfect Heavenly Father must exhibit every single day? I can only imagine how badly He might want to take away our free will and use His might and power to turn every heart to Him. But that wouldn't be love. It wouldn't be genuine, real love born out of a heart free to make that choice. And that's the kind of love our Father wants. So in seeking that love, He endures free will. He listens to our cries, knowing more than we do what is best. He sees our circumstances through different eyes, eyes that understand the future better than we can. And yes, sometimes He even allows us to endure the heartache of this world for a purpose greater than our minds can comprehend. I don't know that my kids will ever thank me for making them eat vegetables, sleep, and endure life-saving medical advancements. I guess I've never thanked my mom for doing those things for me. (Thanks mom!) But I have at times been blessed with the foresight to thank God for unanswered prayers. And protection against my own stupidity. And lessons I've learned, even the ones I had to learn the hard way. 

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1  

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:32, 38-39