Last week Parker and I went down to Cabo for our 5th wedding anniversary. We had gone back and forth on whether or not to take this trip ever since I found out I was pregnant. We wanted to plus we have a time share down there that we hadn't used yet. However, not wanting to take the baby to Mexico meant leaving her for a week. After much debate, we finally decided to go ahead and just go. We left Saturday the 10th before Mary Elizabeth woke up and were there until the following Saturday. To say I missed her would be an understatement. The first few days were fine. We tried to Skype once a day or once every other day, whenever we were in town to get cell service. Then on Wednesday, my mom told me that she thought Mary Elizabeth got sad every time we Skyped because she could hear us but couldn't find us. She also told me that she thought she missed nursing. I had left plenty of milk I had pumped over the past 5 months and she does great with the bottle but I know that she prefers nursing. When my mom told me that, I immediately become overwhelmingly sad. I missed her so much. It hurt my heart to think that maybe she felt sad or abandoned. From sadness, my irrational worry came barreling back through my mind. Was she ok? What if something happened to her and my mom? Would she remember who I was when I returned? I tried to enjoy myself but after that it became so much harder. And then I would feel guilty that Parker had taken time off work and we were spending all this money to come here together and I was practically counting the days until we went home.
I took it one day at a time, trying to pay extra attention and soak up all the things that I was enjoying about being on vacation with my hubby. We slept in, ate big breakfasts together in our room, and spent that days lounging by the pool or on the beach. At night, we would dress nice and go for happy hour as the sunset over the beachfront resort. We enjoyed the spa and a nice sunset dinner cruise. All in all, it was a huge blessing to have that time with Parker. And come Saturday, I was on a mission. I practically ran through the airport and sped home as quickly as I could. Parker and I raced up the stairs, almost knocking each other down to be the first one to see her. She was sleeping in my mom's arms (of course) but we gently woke her. I took her in my arms and just breathed her in. When I nursed her that night before putting her down to sleep, I almost cried. I was home and the world was right again.
It's weird because I did enjoy myself, for the most part, and if I could go back I would do it again, though probably for a few less days. But now that I'm home, it feels like a dream, like a blink. Maybe it's because every little thing I worried about ended up being fine. (Needless worry is after all the story of my life.) Maybe the next trip will be easier. Or maybe they'll never really be easy. I do think it is hugely important though to get away with your hubby and invest in the marriage. I don't know if I did a very good job investing or if I was just going through the motions, adjusting to the idea of being away from her. But it was good for all of us. Today I'm back to no shower, my stay-at-home mom uniform (AKA my pajamas), and a long list of things to do around the house while trying to spend time with my little girl in between. I guess paradise is truly in the eyes of the beholder because today, there's no place I'd rather be then right here with her.
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