Journey to P31: Third Trimester

Its hard to believe that I'm two-thirds of the way to meeting my sweet little girl. This Tuesday I will be 29 weeks. I can't really say that the time has flown by, as I feel like I've been pregnant for at least a year. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, it just seems like its been all that I've thought about and talked about for as long as I can remember. That probably has a lot to do with the fact that I've wanted this for so long and I've dreamed and fantasized about it for almost 3 years now. I still don't know if I actually believe there's a baby coming anytime soon. Some days I feel like I might be pregnant forever. But everyone keeps telling me that the next 3 months will fly by. I'd guess between baby showers, preparing for her arrival and a very busy season at work, they're probably right. But 3 months does still seem like its a long way away. One of the things I've been worrying about lately is the discomfort coming my way. I'm not talking about labor and delivery, which undoubtedly will be rather uncomfortable (to say the least). Even the worst labor only lasts a day or two. The discomfort I'm worried about is what I'm already experiencing. Backaches, trouble sleeping, heartburn, leg cramps that keep me up at night, pelvic pain, feeling as if her head is stuck between my hip bones. I knew all this was coming but am a little surprised to have it settling in so soon. And to reiterate the phrase I've probably said more often than any other, "not that I'm complaining but" it is what it is. My sister-in-law Beth and I were talking last night about how having experienced infertility changes the way you view the negative aspects of pregnancy and motherhood. We can all be realistic about the fact that neither is a perfect, sunshiney stroll in the park everyday. However, when you wait and hope and pray for so long for these things, any feelings of exhaustion, pain or discomfort that normal moms and moms-to-be are expected to complain about come with a lot of guilt. As in, "How can you possibly complain about this when this is what you wanted for so long?" My intention is never to complain about being pregnant nor will it ever be to complain about being a mom but sometimes, it is hard. On one of her tough days in the beginning, trying to nurse and take care of 2 newborns while operating on little to no sleep, someone told her "This is what you wanted!" Of course it is, there's no denying that its what we wanted. Does that mean putting on a happy face all the time and denying the fact that what we wanted is (not surprisingly) one of the most difficult things we've ever done?

Again, just writing this I feel guilty, like I'm being judged for having any complaint at all about being pregnant. I really don't have complaints though about "being pregnant." I enjoy being pregnant. That being said, its not for the faint of heart. One of the things I thought about yesterday, after having a particularly sensitive and difficult day, was that women aren't as vocal about the hard parts of pregnancy and motherhood as they should be. Generations and generations have gone before us, enduring much more difficult circumstances than we do. But they tell stories as if everything was some sort of Lifetime movie. I think by sugar-coating the process, we end up doing quite a disservice to the younger generations. Luckily, I have wonderful women in my life that have told me about the hellacious first 6 weeks, the sleepless nights, the fact that breastfeeding is one of the hardest things they've ever done in their lives. I just want to go on record to say that pregnancy is difficult. But I know without a doubt that it is 100% worth it, experiencing it has not made me want any fewer children than I did to begin with, and despite all the difficulties that accompany it, I love experiencing the miracle that is pregnancy.

So, I'll go ahead and step off my soap box now. Thanks for allowing me to do that. Other than that, I'm feeling great. I don't sleep well at night but luckily, my schedule allows for the 10-12 hours I need to devote to sleep in order to get 6-8 restful ones. Like probably most women, I do experience days where I feel like a huge fat cow but if I'm being honest and realistic, I'm very pleased and comfortable with my current weight. The nursery is coming along and I absolutely love it. I go in there every day, sometimes to nest and organize her little things but some days just to look at it and imagine all the joy we'll experience in there this year. She moves all the time and when she does, I literally want to stop whatever I'm doing to focus solely on feeling her twist and turn inside my belly. I think every woman that I've ever talked to about pregnancy, even those that hated being pregnant, say that feeling the baby move is the greatest part about being pregnant. I have to agree. I try to imagine all the time what she's going to look like. I'm constantly day-dreaming about labor and delivery and that moment when I first hear her cry and see her face.

Parker is so excited that it makes me smile from ear to ear every time he talks about her. She knows his voice now and starts moving whenever he gets home from work. He loves to feel her move and is always rubbing my belly and talking to her. Hershey gets jealous that dad pets me more than he pets him but I think he's going to be a great big brother. Everyone is so excited to meet her and I love it that she's already so loved by her family! Its funny to feel her move around whenever she hears Gracie and Bailey, like she can't wait to come out and play with her cousins. Its amazing to me how much you can love someone that you've never even met.

26 Weeks

27 Weeks

The third trimester starts concurrent with the New Year. I have waited for this year, the year that I get to become a mommy, for so long. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am for this year. This is the third New Year's Eve that Parker and I have hoped that this new year would be the one...and here we are. We rang in the new year with Preston, Beth and the cutest twins on the planet. I had so much fun playing with the babies, feeling Mary Elizabeth move every time they made noise, and having girl talk with Beth.

Bailey breaking in uncle Parker