I'm not much of a gambler. Actually I'm not a gambler at all. I'm much too risk averse. Maybe once a year I'll get a wild hair and buy a scratch off lottery ticket but that's about it. It's a relatively low risk and thus the chances of me winning anything significant are slim to none. But whenever I'm in some hole-in-the-wall, po-dunk gas station it crosses my mind to buy a ticket because that's where the winning tickets always come from. Even my yearly $5 gambling spree is calculated. I'll justify that gas was cheaper than last week, I bought a few things on sale, or I found a random few bucks in my jacket pocket. I know I'm going to lose the $5 but I counterbalance the loss by saying its money that wasn't really mine or would have otherwise been spent on something stupid like the $1 section at Target. Somehow justifying the loss that way makes scratching off the ticket with OCD precision somehow worth it. I know I'm not the only one that does this because there's an entire idiomatic phrase dedicated to this behavior and its not solely used in connection with gambling. We hedge our bets. In other words, we try to reduce our loss on a bet or an investment or a choice by counterbalancing it somehow. Its a self-preservation thing, a way to avoid looking foolish or losing anything significant.
For example, weather men that say there's a 50% chance of rain. Well, it will either rain or it won't rain so yes I would say that's a pretty safe bet. Or maybe its a sportscaster talking in circles about who will win the big game because he doesn't want to look stupid by picking the wrong team. I think we all do it at different times in our lives for different reasons.
What about hedging your bets on Jesus? Or faith in general? A person claims to be an atheist yet asks for prayers on social media when tragedy strikes. Another person lives however he or she wants 90% of the time but goes to church on Sunday, or just Easter and Christmas, "just in case." A "religious" person will commit to live a "godly life" as long as it doesn't interfere with what they want, what they "have earned," or what everyone else is doing. You know how it is, just in case this whole "Jesus thing" really is just a fairy tale like your freshman philosophy professor told you. Let me be the first to confess that I'm just as guilty as the next person. I've been the one that thought "How far do I need to go (or not go) to get into heaven?" How good is good enough, because I don't want to be one of those weird goody two-shoes Christians. How bad is too bad, because there's always someone somewhere doing worse things. Surely God grades on a curve and I'm not a murderer or anything so I should be good, right? Sound familiar or is that just me?
Growing up, I always thought it was good enough to be slightly better, morally speaking, than my peers. I've always had a pretty strong moral compass but at the same time, I didn't want to miss out on too much this life had to offer. Of course I had friends who thought I was missing out, like all my high school friends who chose to drink when I didn't, but I didn't really feel like I was missing out. I knew it was a temporary sacrifice. Just like someone choosing to remain pure until marriage. Its a sacrifice but most of the time, its a temporary sacrifice. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I had always been hedging my bets on faith. I wanted to be "good enough" to get into heaven but just "bad enough" to enjoy this life before I get there. (What, I thought this was a judgment free zone? Are we not in the nest, in the tree? Nevermind.) But seriously, have you ever thought that? Maybe not in such definitive terms but we all want to know exactly where the line is, right?
For those that have followed my blog for any amount of time, you may have read my last blog post on holy discontentment and our commitment to let go of the American dream. It wasn't until a few weeks after going public with what has been a year-long heart transition for me that I realized that I'm not hedging my bets anymore. I am officially all in. All of my chips are on the table, I'm all or nothing at this point. We have committed to giving up the dream of always striving for more and bigger and better and faux-humbly saying "well yes, we've just been so blessed." We have committed to live well below our means in order to put God's kingdom first. We've committed to saying no to our own wants in order to say yes to the needs of those less fortunate. And in doing so, we're placing our bets on the promises of God as opposed to the ways of this world. Are we doing this for our own glory and selfish ambition? Highly unlikely. Its not like I'm boasting about turning down a designer bag to put a few more dollars in the collection bucket on Sunday. We're selling half our stuff and our beautiful, practically new home. We are publicly saying that we believe what Paul wrote about in Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." We believe in what Jesus said in Matthew 25:40, that whatever is done for the least of these is done directly for our Savior. We believe that He is worthy of such efforts. And we believe that we have a great calling, to love as many people in the name of Jesus as possible in our short amount of time here on earth.
Hebrews 12:1-3 says "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." The way I see this verse play out in my life is this: my Savior endured the shame, humiliation, and physical pain of the cross so that I might be in a right-standing with my Maker. He did this knowing that I would fail daily at doing the one thing he said was most important, to love. Believing this, how can I not throw off the things of this world that hinder me (i.e. the American dream) in order to fix my eyes on Him?
There will always be people that believe the whole "Jesus thing" is just smoke in mirrors or a fairy tale or any number of other things. I believe wholeheartedly that its not because I've seen evidence time and time again in my life. I do not claim to have faith any bigger than anyone else. Luke 17:6 says "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you." I'm still working on that faith. But God calls us to turn our small faith into lives of much faithfulness, which is exactly what I'm praying for. In the meantime, we are done hedging our bets that the things of this world are somehow better than what God has in store for us. "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15) We are all in.
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