In less than a week, I will board a plane and fly all the way to the other side of the globe, leaving the comforts of home and family behind. As I prepare to go, I'm more than a little stressed making arrangements for the kids and helping get my husband and our moms ready to fill in the gap I'll leave behind. I'm thinking through my roles on my team and all the things I need to accomplish before we leave and while we're there. I'm thinking through packing lists and checking tasks off my to do list all day, every day. I'm losing sleep thinking about all that has to be done and trying not to worry about how everyday life will possibly go on for two weeks in my absence. All the while, trying to find time to spend with my sweet, supportive husband and my loving Heavenly Father. Sounds sort of crazy, right? Obedience is sort of a crazy thing. Saying yes when your natural tendency, desire, or personal comfort tell you to say no. From day one, this trip has always been about obedience. It's never been my desire to go to east Asia, nor have I ever felt called to serve in an orphanage. I've never really felt a pull towards that part of the world or an instinctual love toward that people group. But when I was asked to pray about this trip, God made it very clear to me that He wanted me to go. He enjoys doing that you know, pulling His children out of their comfort zone and pushing them a little against the grain that we so neatly comb on ourselves. I would even go so far as to say He enjoys it a little more in those of us who tend to push back a little harder, that fight a little longer against losing control. The problem is that if we continue to resist His promptings, we lose out on the incredible blessing that is found in saying yes to God. God is not a deceiver, nor is He a liar. He promises that He will never leave or forsake us. He loves to lavish good on us. As the Bible illustrates for us, though we are wicked, we desire to do good things and give good gifts to our children. How much more does our perfect Heavenly Father desire to lavish us with goodness?
But we must remember, that Jesus does not give as the world gives. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27 NIV) Jesus said this to his disciples as he was preparing to leave them. As I prepare my heart for this trip, I anticipate that God will give me a heart broken for the orphans in east Asia. I anticipate that He will give me a heart forever changed and a worldview shaped differently. I anticipate that He will give me glimpses of incredible hope masked as imminent despair. My prayer has been that God will break my heart for what breaks His and I fully expect Him to answer that prayer.
Why, you might ask, would anyone endure the stress and discomfort of this trip across the world for an anticipated heartbreak at the end? The only answer I can give is love and obedience. Love for my Savior, who was broken for me. Love for my God who lavishes good things on me. Love for the orphans I've never met, simply because they are loved by my Beloved. And obedience. Obedience in knowing that God's will is perfect, His timing is flawless. Whereas our eyes can barely focus on one sentence on the page, God has written the book and knows the beginning, middle, and end. Obedience to becoming the woman He created me to be. Obedience to acknowledging that His purpose is higher, His calling is holier, and His methods are more perfect than I could ever imagine or understand.
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