Curveball

My alarm went off this morning at 4:50am. The ungodly hour as I call it. Nobody should ever be awake during the 4 o'clock hour. It's way too late to still be up from the day before and way too early to start the day ahead. Yet I wake during the ungodly hour to follow the call of God, "the great unknown where feet may fail." As I'm adjusting my eyes to the light of my phone, I open my email to find one from my team leader. She's not just my team leader, she's one of my best friends and as I would soon discover one of reasons I'm excited about this trip. We'll be roomies and get that one-on-one girl time that you miss after you get married. She's hilarious and optimistic and she gives great hugs. She knows the depth of my crazy and loves me anyways. She is the one that led me to ask the Lord if I should go on this trip. 

Her email was to inform us that she had been in a minor car accident and would not be able to make it...at all. That's a lot to process before coffee. My first thought was "should I still go?" After about 2 seconds, I realized that of course I still must go. I've made a commitment to my team and to the workers abroad and of course I will honor that commitment. I can't back out now due to fear. That's all it is, fear. Fear of the unknown. She was really my only "known" on this entire trip. But what satan has intended to use for his own agenda, whatever the hell it is, God will most certainly use for good. Have you ever noticed that I can be annoyingly optimistic? I can. It annoys even me sometimes so it has to annoy others. I often find myself saying "well if nothing...," "well the silver lining...," and "I guess if there's anything positive here..." Annoying right? But God has given me a unique ability as my college roommate once said "to turn chicken shit into chicken soup." (Pardon my French, it's the expression...I would never use such vulgar language. 😉)

So here we go, on a more adventurous adventure than I expected. I barely know the rest of my team. Looks like that will change! I've been wanting to get alone with God for an extended amount of time for years now. Looks like I'll get some of that every single night for the next two weeks! I've really been missing out on quality "me time" over the past few years since becoming a mom. Hopefully I don't get sick of myself. I guess if God wants me out of my comfort zone for some reason, I say bring it. I never signed up for this for me, for any personal gain, or for any personal desire. I'm doing this for God, more than anything else I've ever done for Him. I'm reading a book called "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" by Lysa TerKeurst. In the first chapter she talks about looking at loss as a sacrifice of praise to God. She says "it is so hard in today's abundance to give God a true sacrifice." So I will choose to give this loss, my own personal loss, I God as a sacrifice of praise. I don't know why and I don't like it. But if You will it Lord, then I'm on board. 

"You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail.

And there I find you in the mystery

In oceans deep, my faith will stand. 

And I will call upon your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace

For I am yours. And you are mine."

Oceans by Hillsong United