No Guarantee

Yesterday I had a great meeting with the head of the Care Network at my work. As I've mentioned, I work at my church (which I absolutely love) and the Care Network is one of the ministries we have. It is essentially support for people that are in need, whether it is through financial difficulties, divorce, or loss of any kind, we have mentors that walk people through these times. The Care Network is also our outreach for helping couples make their marriages great. The meeting was to discuss having some sort of infertility support at our church. As I have learned over the past 3 years, infertility is becoming very common and although no two stories are the same, the emotions and difficulties couples face generally are. Lately, I have felt a calling to use our situation to help others that are experiencing similar problems.

As we discussed infertility and its effect on people, he shared a story with me and asked for my opinion. He was meeting with two women, close friends, one of which was mentoring the other. The one being mentored was struggling with a strong, unfulfilled desire to be married. Her mentor was helping her spiritually as she walked through the emotions of that. As the two of them sat with the director (we'll call him D), he was sharing Biblical insight about the blessings of being single. The Bible says that not everyone is meant to marry and D was telling her that though he hoped she would one day find a husband, there was no guarantee. He was telling her that she had to find her identity in Christ and know that He would be enough for her, whether or not she ever married. As he said all of this, her mentor sat shaking her head in agreement. D knew that the mentor was struggling with infertility and he drew a parallel saying that it was the same for her. Though he hoped she would one day have a child, there is no guarantee of that in the Bible either. At the end of the conversation, the single mentee left feeling hopeful with a renewed trust in God. The mentor, however, stayed behind to discuss what D had said about her situation. He told me that after her mentee left, the mentor pretty much went off on him for saying that she would never have a child. She refused to admit that her situation, her longing for a baby that had never been promised to her, was the same as her friend longing for a husband. She left angry, leaving my new friend D wondering if he had really said something that bad. So he asked me, "In your opinion, do you think I was wrong to say that to her? Was it insensitive to tell her that she might not ever have a baby?"

I had never really thought about it before but I absolutely agreed with him. The Bible makes a few promises about life here on earth but becoming a parent is not one of them. We often think we're entitled to certain things, like a spouse, a job, a baby, but these things aren't promised to anyone. I really do believe that I will have a baby one day but there is a definite chance that I won't. A few months ago, this thought would have sent me reeling into a depression but for some reason, it had the opposite effect on me yesterday. It brought me peace. We try to find our identity in things of this world. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am "meant to be a mother." But God doesn't view us like that so we shouldn't either. My identity is not in what I may or may not become...it is in what I already am. It is rooted in a deep devotion for Christ Jesus.

I might become a mother one day. I might even be so bold as to say I will probably become a mother one day. But there is no guarantee. And I'm okay with that because we can't place our hope and our identity in things of this world. Whether we long for a spouse or a child, whether we desire love, acceptance or relationship, whatever we are seeking in life, we must seek first the Kingdom of God. We must know that God is enough to satisfy us. God knows what we truly need.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33